i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
