His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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