First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
