I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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