Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My vagina is officially offended.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
