I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
