ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
