now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
