Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Randomize
