I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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