I'm so fucking centered right now
i just had sex bonerless
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
