I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
