He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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