dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
