On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Is it because I queefed?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
