That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
