if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
