I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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