Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
