Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
