scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
