I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
