On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
