And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
