somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
