so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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