just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
