his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
high people should be assigned attendants
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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