the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
this hospital has no fireball
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize