I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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