I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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