Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize