Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
