We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
