Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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