I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
