3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
