Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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