I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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