Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
