i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
