It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
