Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
