its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
