we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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