She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
