i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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