Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
