Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
