the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
