if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
