Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
