is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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