well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize