I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
