Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
