i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
