i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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