Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
