come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize