its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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