i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
