I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
