I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
