Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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