Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
