I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
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