I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
