so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
