hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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