hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
