i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
