'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
