elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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