I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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