i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
