She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
