My underwear smells like fireworks.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i now understand why vodka
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
