My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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