Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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