You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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