I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
