Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dignity is for republicans.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
