Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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