I think i peed on brittanys purse
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
