In America we eat man semen.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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