first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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