if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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