toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
