I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
