Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i now understand why vodka
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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