was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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