the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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