im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize