Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
