i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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