This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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