Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
