I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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