he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
